The Hezi And Row Show
by A.L.E
Summary: Hezikiaha and Rowwanda are my friend and I's Everquest characters. We have had so many adventures together, I figured I could turn them into a story. Now a third chapter for reading enjoyment!
1. Default Chapter

The Hezi And Row Show 1  
  
Hezikiaha swung his sword in a deadly arc that would have decapitated the horrid beast....if it hadn't of already fallen over, torched to a cinder by a blast of heat that nearly singed his eyebrows off. Regaining his balance, he turned, and in the process of patting down his eyebrows, glared at his female counterpart. "That was my kill!" Rowwanda, a dead sexy female wood elf if there ever was one, sauntered up to him and smiled a crooked grin. "It would have taken your head off the next time it clawed at you." "Would not!" "Would to!" "Would not!!" Hezi's bald head glowing red, more from anger now than the wave of heat. "Yes, it would have. So I ended it. Sorry if I singed you a little." She patted him lightly on his bright orange crustacean covered chest. "Besides I just got a mental call from Flowersniffing. He needs to see us." Hezikiaha rolled his eyes. "In the name of Innoruuk, what the hell does that little Ronas Jeremus wanna-be want now?" Rowwanda turned and proceeded back to their camp, calling over her shoulder. "I don't know but he said it was urgent." She reached their campsite and started to pack her things away. The dim light glinted off the metal book binding of her spellbook as she carefully packed it away. As she bent over to retrieve a small bag, she felt something warm suddenly gripping the right side of her ass. She quickly jumped up and turned in one fluid motion and swatted the offending groper aside. "How many times have I told you not to do that!" Her eyes glowed an eerie purple as her night vision was quickly taking over as the sun crept past the horizon. "Sorry Row, I was trying to find my way around. It was an accident! It's, uh, dark you know." He quickly stepped to the other side of their camp towards his stuff, to extract himself from her scimitar range. "Oh really? Well maybe I should just 'accidently' cast the single port spell instead of the group one. How would you like to stay out here in the dark with a whole nest of those of damn apes just over the hill?" She glared at his rapidly dissappearing actual form and more at his heat signature. "Uh no that's ok," he forced a weak laugh. "I'll be more careful in the future, I swear!" He held his hands up in the air, though he could barely see them, he knew she could. "You better, or the next time you get drunk, I'm casting sow and lev on ya and porting your ass to Kithicor!"  
  
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A fire poured light from it's chimney's depths onto the patrons at the Lion's Mane Inn. Shadows crept around as the light was displaced by bodies and various inanimate objects being moved around. It was a fairly busy night. As busy as nights got in Qeynos these days. Even though the threat of the gnolls from Black Burrow was lessening on a daily basis, more and more soldiers and inhabitants of Qeynos were being sent to Jagged Pine Forest to help quell the rise of the Darkpaw Clan there. Having been all but driven from the hills surrounding Qeynos as well as the bulk of the Karanas, the revenge-bent gnolls had found a way into the secret forest and were terrorizing the citizens and raiding their shipping caravans. It seemed a never ending plight for the citizens of the Qeynos kingdom, but they bore it with a stiff upper lip and occasionally even a tense smile. Such smiles were less tense when they were shined upon long time visitors or residents of Qeynos, such as the three that sat at that the back table of the inn. They had met earlier that day and had spent all this time regaling each other with tales of adventure and in some cases molestation. It was nearly midnight when the tales finally started to end and the actual discussions began. "-and I swear we cleared out Bravo Sector in record time! It was glorious little man, you should've been there!" Hezikiaha gloated. He cast a quick glance at the female sitting next to him and then right back at the halfling. "Me and the honey here must've killed twenty things in an hour!" The halfling Flowersniffing Treehugga arched an eyebrow as he also glanced at the female wood elf sitting across from him. He reached up and stroked the "adult-demihuman movie star" moustache he maintained with incredible dedication as he spoke. "Rowwanda, why do you let him call you that? I mean even people in my former profession would find that....well....crass." Row smiled and sighed. "I dunno Flower. He keeps it up even when I tell him not to. I suppose it isn't as bad as at night when he bugs me about getting-" She was interrupted by the bartender who smiled as he brought them fresh ales. Hezi accepted his with a muttered 'thanks' and then cleared his throat. "So uhh, before we get into anything else, maybe you should tell us why you brought us here in the first place Flower." The smallest of the three set down his mug and sighed a sigh that seemed as if it came all the way from his furry toes. He looked at each of the other two in turn and then spoke. "Well to make a long story short. My family is falling apart. My sister is dating a Priest of Discord-" at this both of his companions gasped. "And I don't think I am entirely sure who my daddy is." Hezikiaha thought for a moment. "Wait, you mean your dad isn't really your dad?" Flower shook his head, "I don't think so." It seemed a great effort to maintain his composure as he stared into his drink and rubbed the top of his Dark Ember affectionately. Row spoke with a quiet voice. "Well assuming this is true, what do you want us to do about it?" Flower looked up at her. "I want you to find out who is. Or at least help." Hezi snickered and leaned forward. " You mean you want us to go around asking 'Who's your daddy' ?" He could no longer hold in his laughter as he burst into a gaffaw. Rowwanda reached over and slapped him on the shoulder. When that didn't work she spoke a few quiet words of magic. Her form gleamed bluish for an instant and then she kicked him under the table, hard. The large bald warrior yelped as his shin caught the brunt of the lithe druid's kick. "Ow! C'mon it was just a joke!" "Shut up." She turned to the halfling druid. "Of course we'll help, sweetie. I know a few people of umm...a higher status you might say. I can ask them. Heck I can even visit a few of the Planes if you want me to." She smiled sweetly. Flowersniffing perked up and almost smiled. "Really? Because that would be great. I really need to figure this out. I'm kinda tired of the jokes, you know. Everybody at work and in the guild has made it into a gay old time." "Funny we haven't heard about it until now?" Hezi scratched his shiny dome. "I kept it away from you guys until I could tell you myself." Rowwanda stood and finished her drink. She set the mug back down on the table and patted Flower on the head. "Don't worry, friend, we'll help. In fact I am quite tired. So I shall retire to my room and think about who I can contact." She turned towards the stairs and called over her shoulder, "Good night boys." Hezi quickly turned his head and shouted, "Hey Row, would you sleep-" From just up the stairs, "NO!" Hezikiaha turned and shrugged his shoulders at his only remaining table mate. "Anyways, did I ever tell you about the time I told these Frogloks in Guk a joke I had heard from the Trolls? I swear they got so pissed they not only tossed me out but I think they invaded Grobb!"  
  
END 


	2. The Hezi And Row Show 2

The Hezi And Row Show 2  
  
" I say we hit more of the Planes! You can usually find whatever you want up there." Rowwanda glanced, annoyed, at her table mate. Hezikiaha, his bald head glinting in the firelight, furrowed his brow and responded. "You have already been to two of the Planes, Row. If you couldn't find anything in Hate or Fear you're not going to-" "But Flowersniffing is a druid like me," Row interjected. "We could probably find out more in the Plane of Growth." She reached down to her mug of mulled elven wine and swirled it around, not really in the mood for a drink of this magnitude. Hezi cleared his throat and slapped the table with his gauntleted hand. "Ha! You'll never get me into that damn, giant, weed infested, Plane of a-" he stopped looking up at the disapproval in Rowwanda's eyes. "Oh c'mon! You can't tell me you don't think Tunare has a huge branch lodged up her ass?" No change. "Oh, even you complain when it rains all the time!" Row shook her head and sighed. "That's Karana." Hezi thought for a moment...then another one. "Oh yeah well, that's my point! Putting women in charge. Never a good idea. I mean I know what a normal woman's like once a month! I don't even want to think of what a Goddess would be-" Rowwanda stood up so fast she spilled her wine. "That's it! I'm turning your shiny, metal plated ass into a wolf and porting you to Halas!!" She closed her eyes and raised a finger towards the shocked warrior. When she began to chant, a slight green aura glowed around her. Other patrons in the Lion's Mane Inn turned to see what the disturbance was. Some, recognizing magic, began to panic. Some even screamed and ran for the door. The warrior with the red goatee and off orange shelled armor reached up and grabbed Row by the arm, shaking her. "Row stop! Don't do it! Don't!" Too late, Hezi rose from his seat to get a firm grip on her. Just as he raised his other hand to her, he noticed it looked different. It looked much more like a paw. Before this could sink in, he fell. Only he was still standing. He was under the table and yet still standing...on all fours. Trying to shout for help he heard nothing but a short growl and a bark come from his...snout. Great, he thought, just great. Pondering his new predicament, he raised his right leg up to scratch behind his ear. Rowwanda snapped out of her spell's hold on her and glanced around. Then she smirked and bent to look under the table. There was a large grey wolf, scratching it's ear. She straightened up and smiled more broadly. Wish I had a spell to turn him into a pig, she thought. Just then, the bartender grabbed her by the arm and spun her towards him. "Lady, I am afraid you know the rules. No magic in here!" He started to push her towards the door and she protested. "Now Lady, I don't want to have to call the guards. You know Corporal Lancot is still rather jaded over that whole incident with you!" At this, she shook her head and willingly left.  
  
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Several minutes later, Rowwanda sat outside on an empty box, with her "pet" sitting faithfully next to her, panting. She thought maybe the Plane of Growth wasn't that good of an idea after all. Despite her allegiances, she did have to admit sometimes she didn't like the Goddesses either. She sighed and began to think of another plan when it started. Raining. A clap of thunder sounded overhead and then it poured. Knowing somehow, that she was being punished, Row propped her head on a fist and sighed again. Then something hit her leg. She looked down to find Hezi prostrated on her leg in a rather lude manner. As she looked into his eyes, she thought he looked, happy. Then he started to move. Realizing what he was doing Row's eyes widened. Then she rolled them towards the heavens and sighed again.  
  
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Several hours later, Rowwanda and Flowersniffing sat huddled in a cozy corner of Rivervale. Both seemed to be in good spirits, and also in deep conversation. Row leaned in close and pointed to a distant spot. "So that's the PoD she's dating?" Flower winced and sighed. "Yes that's him. Just don't say it too loud, ok?" Row grinned. "What's the big deal? He seems cute." Flower's eyes widened. "Cute!? He's human! I understand his purpose here-" Flower stopped in mid sentence and thought. "Well ok, maybe I don't actually know his purpose here, but he's still human! My sister is a halfling. The scandal alone is horrific; I can only imagine the children!" Flower sunk his head into his hands and sighed again. Row patted him on the shoulder. "I'm sorry to bring it up hun. Maybe we should concentrate on who to ask to find your daddy?" Flowersniffing just groaned. "Ok," he said through his hands. His head then snapped up. "Hey, what about your list?" Row seemed confused for a moment, then she brightened. "You mean our Pain list?" "Yeah why not? I mean, if you go find those creatures that you guys owe pain, maybe you can ask them before you kill them." She thought for a moment before responding. "You know Flower that's not a half bad idea. We could interrogate them to see if they know who your daddy is before we kill them!" She brightened immediately. "I don't know what we would do without you sometimes Flower!" She reached over and hugged the little former adult demi-human movie star. He blushed beneath his furry mustache and grinned. Row grinned back. Then Flower looked around and frowned. "Say Row, where is Hezi? Shouldn't he be here? I mean he has the right to pay back all the beings on your list that have caused him pain as much as you do." Rowwanda laughed, then patted him again. "Don't worry Flower, he's outside tied to a tree."  
  
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Hezikiaha crept towards the entrance to the cave carefully. It was dark out, but the glowing green gem in his hand lit the way. Rowwanda sauntered up behind him, seeing quite well with her elven night vision. He turned to her and asked a question. "Do you think he's in there?" Rowwanda squatted and looked at the ground. She sniffed the air and inspected the rocks. After a few moments, she returned to the warrior's side. "Yes I am sure he's here. A good distance in, but here none the less." Hezi turned an excited eye back towards the cave opening. "Good! I owe that bastard some serious hurt!" He stowed the gem back in his pack and unsheathed his other sword. The diamond shape headed, sleek sword glinted in what little moonlight there was. Row pulled out her bone handled scimitar as well and nudged Hezi from behind. "You lead I'll follow. You've got every magical protection and enhancement that I have, on you. I shall remain behind you to guard the rear and to provide healing if you need it." The two companions entered the cave as quietly as they could. Once a ways inside, the walls became lit by torches. Rusted sconces held them every few feet apart. The whole place smelled of rotted flesh and various kinds of excrement. The floor looked and felt like mud and dirt, but it didn't smell that way. Even the walls had a sickly green fungus of some sort hanging all over them. It's smell was like nothing either traveler had smelled before. Several more feet in, voices could be heard. Shouts, laughter, even some singing rang through the various hallways. They all had one thing in common. The voices were all goblin. Row snuck up closer behind Hezi to whisper in his ear. "Do you remember how to get to the goblin king's chamber?" Hezi whispered back. "Yeah, Lord Gorelik keeps a large room down two levels and towards the center of the mines." "Great, nothing like walking into the hornet's nest." Rowwanda looked all around her, trying to get a fix on anything that might be near them. Hezi snorted. "Bah, these little buggers are nothing to me now! I've gotten a good deal stronger since the last time we were here!" "Yes, as have I. But I do not think we should-" Hezikiaha gave a great war cry and lunged forward. Trotting down a side hall with his swords raised in the air. Row sighed and griped under her breath. "We have got to go see an enchanter about an intelligence buff for him sometime!" She quickly ran down the same hall the overly enthusiastic fighter had gone down. After a couple of turns she found Hezi crouched near a doorway. Surprised no one had heard his cry, she walked up to him quietly and tapped him on the shoulder. Hezi turned to see a quizzical look on Row's face. He leaned in and whispered to her. "I think there is one in the next room, just down this hall. Listen." Both turned an ear towards the doorless entry. Sounds of a goblin talking to himself could be heard. Hezi looked back to his partner and said, "Let me handle this." With that he stood, gripped both swords, stepped to the entry and bellowed. Before his war cry ended he was through the doorway and charging down the hall. Row couldn't even get a word out before he was gone. She rolled her eyes and brought forth, into her mind, a number of spells that could save them. Including a quick succor out of here. Hezikiaha screamed at the top of his lungs. If he remembered the goblin insult he had been taught as a lad correctly, he should be saying something about puke-skinned boot lickers, or some such. He didn't really care as long as the disgusting little ear biters heard their death approaching. Just then he noticed a goblin sitting on a stool in front of another door, several paces down this hallway. It looked up at his resonating bellow and nearly fell right off it's stool. Catching it's balance the creature pulled a small sword from a sheath and opened the door behind it. Hezi skidded to a stop and took a wide swing at it's head. Fortunately for the goblin, it was only three feet tall and the wild swing went at least two feet over it's head. The creature thrust forward weakly to try to make the big man thing take a step back and give him some room. The thrust glanced meekly off of the slimy orange armor, however, and only seemed to enrage the big man with two swords, both nearly the size of the goblin, even more. So the goblin ducked into the open door and fled for it's life. Hezi seeing this gave another cry and chased after the little green devil. Following it through the door, Hezi charged after it, with rage in his eyes and death on his face. The goblin was fast and eluded him until it came to yet another door. Stopping to open it the creature lunged inside and cried out in it's guttural voice. Hezi approached the door and once again skidded to a halt. This time, however, it was for an entirely different reason. His eyes scanned the room and then widened to an obscene size. Another bellow came from his mouth, but this one was tinged with something besides rage. Rowwanda, fully intent on letting Hezi deal with his own folly, walked slowly down the hallway. She examined everything looking for a sign that this was indeed the way to Lord Gorelik's chamber. About halfway down she froze, hearing another yell. This one also had the same tone to it. She squinted down the poorly lit hall and saw Hezi sprint through a door chasing a rather scrawny looking goblin. She sighed and continued her leisurely pace down the hall. As she approached the second door Hezi had disappeared through, she heard another cry. This one had a tinge of something else in it. It was still Hezi's voice but it was....getting closer. As she peered through the doorway Hezi came huffing and puffing through the door at a breakneck pace. Hezi over his shoulder, "Run!" Row turned to look down the hall again and saw at least a dozen goblins in hot pursuit of the warrior. She said a quick incantation and vanished. She was still right in the same spot, but now invisible. The goblins shouted their own war cries and ran past her. She clung to the wall as closely as she could to get out of their way, and tried to come up with a way to bale out her friend...again.  
  
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Nearly two hours later, in a deep rather dark part of the mines, Hezikiaha sat wheezing in a corner. Covered in green ichors so thick you could barely make out the bright orange of his armor, he limply gripped his swords and tried to catch his breath. Around him lay the bodies of a couple dozen goblins, as well as their guts and blood in puddles beneath them. Rowwanda sat in the opposite corner, quite tired herself. She was trying, rather unsuccessfully, to wipe greenish blood from the blade of her scimitar. She appeared somewhat drained, but as she finished her cleaning, she moved her legs into a crossed position beneath her and began to meditate. Moments later she looked much better. "You know, you could have jumped in there a little sooner, and helped me," Hezi whined as he caught his breath. Rowwanda did not move. "Yes, but how would that have taught you a lesson?" She paused, "And how would that have been fun for me?" "You nearly let it go too far! I thought I was dead!" Row still didn't even open her eyes. "I had it completely under control." Coming out from her meditation, she added, "Speaking of which I believe it's time we go get Gorelik before he can summon more of his followers." Hezi slowly stood and once again brought his swords to bare. "Ok let's go get it done." They made their way to the chamber and had no trouble finding the Lord of the goblins here in The Lake Of Ill Omen. Lord Gorelik was obviously prepared for them and knew they would be coming. He stood from a small chair and pointed and Hezi. In his own form of crude human speech, "I remember you! This time you shall not escape my grasp, and you will know the folly of hunting me!" As he finished speaking to the two invaders, he spoke a word of magic and his nearly invisible pet wolf lunged towards Hezi. "Get the goblin, I've got the pet," Hezi shouted. His sword blocked the first bite the magical wolf tried to hit him with. His second sword plunged into the creature's side. Rowwanda heard Hezi's instructions and grasped her necklace in her left hand. She spoke a word of magic and it began to sparkle blue. As it's magical light faded a host of summoned roots and strands of plant appeared and wound themselves around the goblin lord. The goblin howled in pain and frustration. Without missing a beat, Row chanted and gestured towards the goblin. A massive cloud of buzzing, stinging insects emerged from a cloud of dark smoke around the entangled king. They set upon the goblin and he once again cried out. Hezi backed up a step to try and sweep the wolf's front legs out from under it. The creature easily jumped over the clumsy swing and proceeded to latch itself onto Hezi's armored elbow. Giving a yelp of surprise, Hezi grabbed the creature by the its left front leg and held it in place. Turning toward the wall he lurched forward and pushed the wolf into the wall with all of his force. The creature was crushed between the wall and his weight. It let go of his elbow and slumped to the ground. Turning towards his other target, Hezi was accosted by the sight of a magical battle. Between throws of agony form the swarming insects, Gorelik managed to throw a few spells of his own. One to heal himself and one to fry his opponent in a wave of heat. Rowwanda felt a gust of hot wind hit her and then a wave of fire swept towards her. Closing her eyes and ducking behind her shield she rode out the wave. Appearing from behind the shield once again she felt, singed. Her leather armor smoked in places and her skin was heat blotched. She stared at the struggling goblin and shouted. "Fine! You wanna play with fire!" She waved her hands in the air and began to chant again. Her eyes seemed to look through the goblin lord. They also smoldered with an inner fire that brought forth an aura of flames around her. The fungus on the walls next to her caught fire and shriveled to ash. The wood, holding up the walls in the mine, blackened. Just as her chant began to fade she heard a yell of surprise from off to the side. Hezi, watching the spectacle in front of him, suddenly felt something hit him in the rear. Glancing over his shoulder he saw the magical wolf pet with it's teeth firmly sunk into the ass end of his armor. Shouting in shock, Hezi sprang forward trying to do anything to remove the creature from his hind quarter. Then the chanting faded. Rowwanda felt the power and flame leap from her and hurtle towards the helpless goblin king. In a brilliant flash of fire and light, the goblin was no more. The insects, the ensnaring foliage, and even the goblins metal helmet melted away into a pile of blackened mucus and ash. A booming sound of explosion resonated through the shaft ways. Hezikiaha, wildly swinging behind himself trying to hit the wolf, suddenly saw it disappear with a quiet whimper. Stopping to catch his balance, Hezi turned to see Row standing amidst a blackened scorch mark covering everything within a couple feet of her. Then he turned to find what was left of Lord Gorelik. He sheathed his swords and scratched his bald head. Carefully stepping closer to Row, he spoke quietly, "Uhhh Row? You forgot to ask him about Flower's daddy." She turned her head to look into his eyes. Hers still with a hint of fire in them. "Get the Pain list out." Hezi looked at her questioningly. "Why?" She spoke quietly but powerfully, "We'll ask the next one." With that she sheathed her scimitar and spun on her heal to leave. Hezi watched her go only to notice something that had totally escaped him before. Her hair was now black and singed like everything else. "Hey, uhh, Row. Did you know your hair is-" "Yes." She did not look back, but kept on walking. Not entirely sure what was going on, Hezi took a deep breath and sensed something different. He sensed power and determination. Shivering he started after her and shouted, " Hey Row, you're not still upset about that whole leg humping thing are ya?" 


	3. The Hezi And Row Show 3

The Hezi And Row Show 3  
  
Flowersniffing Treehugga stood in front of the mirror in his family's house. Plucking at his new "do" with a bone pick, he adjusted several areas until it met his expectations. Placing the pick on the table, he pointed to the mirror and winked at himself. Taking an additional moment to smooth his mustache, he nearly jumped out of his own skin when he heard an unexpected giggle behind him. "You finally did it, didn't you? You finally went nuts and went for the 'fro," she teased. Moonunit, the youngest of the Treehugga family, reached a tentative hand forth to touch the offending hair style. Flower slapped her hand away. "Back off sis. You wouldn't know a good quaff if it jumped up and bit you!" "Yeah well, apparently it did bite you!" She giggled again. "If my man shows up tonight with hair like that, I'll break up with him on the spot!" Flower crinkled his brow. "Your man?" Then he realized. "Wait, you don't think you're going out with the priest of discord again do you? Mom and dad said you were forbidden from seeing him again!" His anger now very apparent. She didn't flinch. "Yes but our parents aren't even here now are they? So I'm going!" She picked up a few items and placed them in her bag. "Well I'm going to tell them when they come back!" he snarled. She turned to him, shocked. "You wouldn't!" "Oh I would!" She pointed at him, "Nark!" "Floozy!" "Poofy-head!" "Slut!" "Ronus Jeremus wanna-be!" He sneered, "Tease!" "Freak!!" "Cross-breader!" She gasped and then shouted, "TWEE!!" Flower gasped and threw his hand in front of his mouth. His eyes widened to an obscene size. He stumbled back a step and clutched his chest. "Oh, you didn't-" She grabbed her bag and headed through the door. "Oh, I did!" With that she slammed the door behind her. Flower sighed and shook his head. Then looking at the door he shouted at the top of his lungs, "I hope he dumps you for a gnome!" From down the opposite darkened hallway a smooth, deep voice rang out towards the frustrated halfling. "Now, now, was that really an appropriate come back?" Flower nearly jumped through the roof again. Catching his breath he turned towards the voice. "My god! Would you people stop doing that?! Wait," he squinted. "What are you doing here? You know you're not allowed in the house yet!" Emerging from the shadows came a black and orange armored figure, toting a shield and a short but deadly looking sword in a dark leather sheath. "Yes, well I'm not one much for taking orders. Besides, you can't tell me you're not happy to see your brother?" Flower coughed. "Half-brother. Maybe. And now isn't the time to bother me, I have things to do." "Oh, I'm deeply sorry. Far be it for me to come here and drudge up old skeletons." At this he chuckled to himself. Noticing his opponent not laughing he elaborated. "Me? A shadow knight. Raising skeletons?" Still nothing. He arched one eyebrow before continuing. "Well I see my humor is lost on the lesser educated. You do at least know what a shadow knight is, don't you? Flower cleared his throat and turned away. "Yeah, it's a guy who follows really close behind actual knights." He sat on a small stool. "Now why don't you beat it, before my parents find you here, Entrails. They still haven't accepted your gnomish ass, as part of this household." He grew more angry. "In fact, you're the reason why I don't even know for sure who my father is!" Entrails stepped closer, more into the light. "Come now, boy. I am full blooded gnome and I don't think you're a quarterling, so what are you worried about? I only said we had the same mother." Seeing the glare from his supposed sibling, the shadow knight grabbed his helmet and stepped towards the door. "Very well. But don't be too hard on your sister. I have it on good authority that the Rivervale Priest of Discord is quite a lovely fellow." He chuckled to himself again, and then spoke a few words of magic. Swirls of white and blue light surrounded him as he faded from sight. As he disappeared, "Until next time, brother." Flowersniffing didn't even look to see him go. But he spoke under his breath anyway. "Man that guy really bugs me!" After the thought of Entrails possibly knowing or recreating with the local PoD, Flower couldn't help but make his decision. He had to stop his sister. Moonunit had no idea what she was getting into, he thought. I have to stop her for her own good. After several moments of ultimate thinking, Flower finally had a plan forming in his head. He had to take out the PoD. Granted he was a druid, and thusly revered all life, but he had to do it for the family! He could...make it look like an accident! A suicide, maybe! Well no, he thought, that would be dumb. He would just have to make the PoD attack him. Of course then he would get killed. He thought some more until a few better thoughts entered his head. I'll walk up and kick him in the knee! Course, then he kills me. Hmmmm. Maybe I could call him names, until he attacks me. Course...then he kills me. Well he's human! Maybe I could get that sexy monk Sunki to like, distract him by seduction, and then I could sneak up behind him and hit him square in the back of the head....shoulders....uhhh knees. This last one brought a grin to his face until he remembered. Of course then he figures it out, smacks down Sunki and then turns and kills me. Flower kept thinking it through. Putting aside the whole unpleasant dying thing for a moment, he thought ahead. Even if I get the PoD to fight, if I start wining he'll just gate to Nexus or call more of his buddies in from other areas. Which means I must first stop the transportation industry. For just a little while. Of course this would require the cooperation of all the druids and the druid guilds. But I could swing that, he dreamed. Rowwanda could even help! Of course that doesn't take into account the Nexus scions and the teleport spires. That means I would have to take over the Nexus for awhile. Take down the guards for a bit and knock out all the scions. But if I do that the guards from The Bazaar or Shadowhaven would come running. So I'll have to take those too. Flower smiled at the next thought. While I'm there, we could take over The Bazaar for awhile and make a little money. Then I wouldn't have to do any more of that damn porting. No more putting up with snobby and cheap people! At this last happy thought, the weight of the whole situation hit him. He was going to have to get his guild, Kings of Brotherhood, his halfling brethren and any other help he could get! He was going to need a plan. He was going to need recon and a strategy of attack. Standing from his stool, Flower jumped to the top of that table and raised his arms to the heavens. He shouted in his fervor, and raised his voice so all could here him. "Come brothers and sisters! Come my kindred! Come forth Kings and Jesters! Come one and all! For we shall prevail!! We shall storm the halls of the moon! We...shall...take...The NEXUS!!!" From behind him, "Uhhh Flower?" For the third time that day Flowersniffing jumped in surprise and tumbled down form the table. He landed square on his rear and brought a host of items from the table crashing down upon him. He cleared some old paper scraps from his eyes and looked up. "Rowwanda? What are-" he looked closer and squinted through the paper. "Hey-" Rowwanda bent a little at the waist to examine Flower closer. "Hey-" Then, both at the same time, to each other, "What happened to your hair?" 


	4. The Hezi And Row Show 4

**The Hezi And Row Show 4**

The blue haze dissipated from around the travelers. Their eyes focused on what was around them. The three stood at the top of an apex of staircases. Other various denizens went about their business in the bustling area known as The Nexus. Peering around, nothing seemed out of the ordinary to any of them. Druids called out there advertisements for porting or buffing services. Enchanters offered wares and services of their own. Some even offered up goods and equipment to potential buyers, even though The Bazaar was just a few dozen paces away. The shimmer of various teleportations, be it from druids or scions, lit the air as if it were awash in a spectacular fireworks show. The noise level and buzz, equally as loud. The three stood back to back looking as though they were prepared for something that wasn't happening.

"Seems quiet enough. We must be the first to arrive" the large bald headed human said as he clenched and unclenched his gauntleted hands.

A small pot bellied halfling, looking much the part of an adult demi-human film star, twitched. His eyes darted to and fro. "Are we sure this is a good idea?"

"Flower. It was _your _idea!" This came from a dark haired yet strikingly beautiful wood elf standing between the other two. She had one hand near a bag at her belt and her other on the hilt of a bleach white bone handled weapon.

"I know! That's why I'm asking!"

"I wouldn't have come if I thought it was a bad idea, little man" Hezikiaha, the big broad shouldered human warrior whispered.

Rowwanda turned and looked at him. "You would have come even if I told you it was the worst idea! Any excuse for action and you leap before you look!" Her eyes burned into him.

He turned and gazed back at her. "Yeah! But that's why you love me!" he said with a gleeful glint in his eye.

Her face started to turn red "I do _not _lov-"

Flowersniffing Treehugga interrupted her. "Guys, we still need to scout The Bazaar! We can't call the others up until we do."

"Alright, let's go." Hezi started down the stairs towards the tunnel that led to his destination. He shoved people aside, sometimes intentionally, sometimes just because of his bulk.

The three tried to appear as nonchalant as they could as they entered the tunnel that led to The Bazaar. Just as they started to round the corner Rowwanda stopped in her tracks. The other two noticed and backed up towards her.

"What's wrong Row?" Hezi asked.

She seemed far away, her eyes glazed over. "I'm...I'm not sure. I feel something...powerful." Her brow furrowed as she concentrated. "Something...behind us." As she finished, a gust of wind broke down the tunnel, nearly blowing them off their feet. A loud commotion started back behind them, in The Nexus.

Flowersniffing looked all around panicked. "What in all the bushy hairs of Tunare's female parts is that!"

Hezikiaha brushed past him on his way back down the tunnel, until Rowwanda's hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Stop. Don't go. I'm not sure what it is but we mustn't be the center of attention. Not yet. We must finish our mission." The audible effects of battle, screams, shouts, magical chanting, all rose up the tunnel on the wings of echoed sound.

Flower shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe it's my kin! Maybe they didn't wait for me to signal?"

"Possibly. No one member of our forces is that powerful, but perhaps the lot of them together-" she cut herself off as she shook her head. "Come we must finish before there is no fighting left for us!"

Hezi shook his head as they made their way deeper down the tunnel. "Ahh, it's probably just a couple of loose wristed idiots dueling again! You know, as much as I love combat and killing, why is it that I'm fighting for the vertically challenged rebellion again?"

Rowwanda stopped and looked him in the eyes. "Because I told you if you didn't, that I'd nail an "Innoruuk sucks!" sign to your armor and leave your ass in the Plane of Hate."

"Oh...right...let's go!" Hezi gave Row a wide berth as he walked around her towards the entrance to The Bazaar.

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as the portal opened and dark, massive beings began to rush through it.

The huge, heavily armored soldiers poured through the opening with weapons drawn. They stormed down the stairway toward the crowds that had gathered and began to attack.

From behind the Diaku came tall beings whose very heads seemed to be made of fire, their massive weapons burning with the arcane power of their master.

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(Ten minutes later.)

The three companions met each other at the eastern bank in The Bazaar. All seemed to be in control yet rushed none the less. Vendors went about their business all around them, yet everyone noticed something in the air, the faint booming echoes coming through the walls. Some got fidgety, others started to pack up their belongings and head for the exits.

"Well all seems well, except for the commotion out there. I think we should be good to call in the others and begin the attack, assuming that's not what has already happened." Flower looked all around him as he talked.

"Yes I believe now would be the time. We have squandered enough precious minutes. Let our justice and retribution be swift and all consuming!" Row's eyes burned with fiery power.

Hezi looked at her as he slowly drew his swords. "Geez Row, you think maybe you're getting a little too into this?"

She turned to him as she also drew her sword. "The humans and erudites will pay for their underestimation of us! No longer will our people stand by and let their lanky asses run this world while we are pushed more and more into smaller sections of our own lands! I love Kelethin and Qeynos equally as my homes, but I shall not stand by and watch the rift between our peoples be blamed on mine alone. Their leaders will be made to see!" She turned from Hezikiaha to Flowersniffing. "Do it!"

Flower bowed his head and chanted slowly. "Brethren here my call..."

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Amidst the peaceful day that had thus far gone off without a hitch, the halflings, gnomes and elves, secretly stashed away in Rivervale, waited patiently for the summons. An army the likes of which had never been seen before shifted uncomfortably in an effort to quell their desire to start the invasion. Not that the army's numbers were great, but an army made up of so many of the demi-human races had never formed in the history of Norrath. Called together by their chosen leader, Flowersniffing Treehugga and his grand designs on changing the world, the army had formed over the last few weeks. Awaiting this day.

A rather large, for a halfling, male warrior sat idly on a stool outside the makeshift headquarters they had set up. He fingered his sword as he waited. Just as he was about to call for an underling, a gnome corporal sprang up from seemingly nowhere. "I apologize for the interruption of-" the gnome looked around to figure out what his superior officer had been doing. "Of whatever it was you were doing sir!" The gnome saluted briskly. "But I was wondering if I could ask you a question?"

The halfling, Commander Jak Bougher, looked up. "Is it the same question you asked ten minutes ago?" His voice was quiet yet had an air of authority to it.

The corporal shifted nervously. "Well, yes sir. It's just that we have been gathering for weeks. Waiting for today. Yet the sun is starting to descend. We are past schedule!"

"I know. The men are getting restless. We better have a massive battle or a massive party, and soon! Or else the men will start deserting, or worse, rioting."

"So what do we do sir?"

The commander looked up into the sky towards their target. The moon of Luclin. "We wait...five more minutes. Then we attack! Summons or no summons!"

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(Five minutes later.)

Hezi shifted around nervously. Not liking the fact that action had not found its way to him yet. "C'mon little man! I got swords ready and no guts to stick them in! Let's make with the destruction and mayhem already!"

Rowwanda leaned in and whispered into Flower's ear. "Anything yet?" The halfling's head shook an answer, as he continued to try. "Keep trying my friend, we can't do this without our army."

Hezi overheard their conversation. "Look, I'm telling you! That's our army out there already! I don't know much about magic but maybe the reason they can't hear you is because they are getting in all sorts of fun!"

Row stood up fully and leaned towards Hezi. "I would call this little rebellion of ours many things...but fun is not one of them!"

The burly fighter smiled a charming smile. "Oh come on Row! You can't-" He was interrupted by a loud explosion. The sound came from the tunnel that led to The Nexus. As the echoes died away it was replaced by another sound. The sound of screaming, running, fleeing people. A horde of humanoids poured both ways through the tunnel. Confusion reigned as total chaos set in.

Rowwanda grabbed Flower by the scuff of his collar and Hezi by the elbow. "Let's go! Move! Towards the tunnel to Shadowhaven! We can't deal with this many people! We will have to enter The Nexus from another entrance." She pulled them along, getting to a wall that they could follow when suddenly they were all knocked off their feet. The ground heaved and shook with a massive rumble. Dust and rubble poured from the great stone ceiling. People all around fell to their knees and backs, swept aside by the tremor that tore through The Bazaar.

Rowwanda and Flowersniffing both held their shields over their heads as Hezi ducked behind them. The rumbling scaled back to a low deep humming noise. Flower looked to Row. "Did we do that?"

Row shook her head. "Not us specifically, but our armies... I don't know. For sure. Maybe. What else could it be? We have many powerful magicians among us!"

Hezi ducked his head between theirs. "Did you bother to tell them ahead of time that we are supposed to take this place over? Not destroy it!"

The wood elf druid shot him a disgusted look. "Of course we did! But magic can be unpredictable. Anything is possible in a place imbued with as much magic as The Nexus is!" As Hezi and Flower pondered this, another large wave of noise and tremors started to shake the ground. A huge tear in the very floor they stood upon formed near the Nexus entrance, and ripped the ground asunder as it traveled for several feet then tore itself open and swallowed several unfortunate humans who were standing over its gaping maw. Their screams echoed off the walls as they fell much farther than would have seemed possible. Cracks appeared in the walls all over The Bazaar. Several sections began to tumble down under their own weight. More debris fell from the ceiling above them.

Rowwanda stood and pulled the others with her. She gazed around at the destruction and utter chaos that gripped the large room. "Ok, did we do that?"

Flower stood next to her, a mask of shear shock and amazement on his face. "I guess so." He looked at the newly formed gorge in the floor. "That's bad right?"

Row couldn't pull her eyes away from the scene. "Generally speaking."

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(Elsewhere, at the same time.)

The corporal once again approached Commander Bougher. Before he could say anything the commander stopped him with a hand. "I know what you are going to say Corporal. It is time. I am well aware." He turned and stood upon his little stool, positioning himself in front of his men. "Men! Listen up!" The army hushed at his request. " I am proud to say it is finally time! We shall invade The Nexus and take the first step to our freedom! No longer will we be separated by our petty differences! We shall not stand idly by and be exterminated!"

The corporal looked up sheepishly, "Exterminated sir?"

The commander didn't hear. "We shall not go quietly into the night! Today is July 4th and so-"

"The fourth of what sir?"

"Today we celebrate...our independence day!" The crowd was quiet for a moment, respectfully waiting to see if their leader was done. After a moment when no more was forth coming, they broke into a loud cheer. They started to chant "To Victory" when they were interrupted by a noise none of them could make out. It came from the very sky itself and grew louder. Confusion started to set in when suddenly some one shouted "Look!" and all eyes followed the elves pointing finger to the sky...to the moon. Luclin itself had erupted flame from its southern most point. Pieces of the moon broke free and flung out into the sky. Streaks of fire and debris floated leisurely away from the main body. Even as far away as the army was they could make out small cracks slowly forming on the surface of the moon.

The commander attempting to reign in his army's shouts and cries of panic, looked helplessly at his corporal. "Does this mean we won? Did they accomplish our goals without us?"

The corporal thought about it for a moment. "Well sir they did say they would take any opportunity they found. Perhaps they managed to do what we needed to do without us. Maybe they didn't have a chance to call us."

Commander Bougher wiped his brow and sighed a huge sigh. "Good! I'm not much of a leader and I didn't really wanna die today anyhow. What I really need is a drink. Which would be appropriate if we won right?" The corporal started to respond but never got the chance. The commander looked out over his men again. "Men! We have won the day!" A loud cheer again followed. "Drinks on the house!" A louder cheer followed. "Follow me men! To the beer!" The army stormed forth nearly knocking over the commander. Every man shouting at the top of his lungs..."BEER!"

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(Following.)

Hezi again interjected. "I hate to tell you guys, but you can't win unless you're alive. And if we don't leave soon, we won't be!"

Nodding her head, Rowwanda said, "Yes I think anyone who survives might come looking for us. We might want to go into hiding for awhile. A long while."

Flower shrugged his shoulders. "I got a couple hundred years to waste. I hear Guk is nice this time of year."

"Silly little half man! I am not living with a bunch of stinky frogs! I say we go to the Qeynosian Hills. Many caves there! I could even come out and find me a farmer's daughter once in awhile." Hezi's eyes glinted.

"No. We can't live among any of our former lands. They would find us. We must go farther away than that. I know a place...an island..." Row trailed off.

"Oh hey, maybe I can find some tropical babes!" Hezi's expression became excited as he thought about that.

Flower rolled his eyes. "I just hope there are people of any kind there."

Just before she started chanting, Row looked around one last time at the mayhem and death around her. "I think there will be...eventually." Her teleportation spell then sprang to mind.

"I guess I'll never find out who my daddy is now," Flower seemed sullen as he crept closer to the druid, knowing what was coming.

Hezi's face brightened even more as reality started to shimmer and distort around them. "Hey Row, since we're gonna be on an island are you gonna start wearing one of those sexy coconut bikinis?"

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The fire crackled and popped, trying to reject the moist wood placed in it. It's shadows danced across the poorly lit room. A room small enough to be cozy but not restricting. Not as small as the others in the little thatch hut. Sitting by the fire was a woman. An elf woman. Old by the gray and silver in her hair. Older still by the lines and wrinkles in her skin. Older than any other elf still living by her eyes. She took a small sip of water from a cup and set it back down in her lap. She cleared her throat, sore from her recent story. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She seemed sad as she let the breath out slowly. She opened her eyes and cast her gaze down at the much younger elf girl at her feet.

A child, even by elven standards, the girl seemed different. Not quite all elf, yet not necessarily anything else. Her eyes blazed a deep hue of purple as she gazed longingly at her grandmother's face. She was much older on the inside. Educated early and well by her grandmother. She was alive with questions, nearly bouncing up and down, yet she respectfully held her tongue. Her eyes gave everything away. A trait she would one day need to learn to hide.

The old woman leaned forward and spoke in hushed tones. "So my child. Did you like this story? It's not a terribly happy one."

The girl leapt up as if on a coiled spring. "Oh yes grandma! I loved it! So much danger and action! It is one of my favorites!"

The old woman laughed a wheezing laugh. "You say that every time dear."

The little girl suddenly stopped and appeared quizzical. "Do you think I'll ever get to do great things and go on adventures grandma?"

The older elf again cackled and leaned in even closer. "I know you will, my dear. Dyshiki is a proud name and you will live up to it. Someday. Soon."

"Rowwanda is a proud name too! I will live up to it! I shall be the mighty Rowwanda! Fiercest fighter in the land!"

"I have no doubt my dear. Find yourself a companion, a true friend, and you shall rewrite the world. The way it should have been."

Rowwanda bounced again. "Oh I have a friend grandma! His name is Hezika..or Hekiziah..or something..it's a funny name. But we have fun! We play games all the time!" Her eyes betrayed yet another secret. "Grandma? Could he come over and listen to a story with me sometime? I know he would love them!"

Leaning back in her chair, letting out a breath she had not realized she had been holding, the old woman smiled. A hint of relief crossing her face. "Yes child that would be fine. I have many stories left to tell, though not much time to tell them."

The girl bolted for the door, then stopped and turned. "I'm going to go tell him grandma. I'll be back soon! You can tell us another story. Maybe another one with that cute little Flowersniffing guy in it!"

"I would love to child."

The younger of the two smiled happily as she spoke. "Maybe next time you can even explain to me what an adult demi-human film star is!" Then she ran out the door.


End file.
